Monday, December 14, 2009


I’ve put out a lot of deep down, confession and emotion which I’m sure all three of my followers are sick of, so I’m happy to inform you guys that this is probably the last one for a while.
These past few months have been an extraordinary high in my life, whose remnants will hang over my head for the next few months to come. My eyes are tired from all the sleepless nights and my ears will thank me for the break I’m about to give them from Dido and Slipknot. A little "power metal rehabilitation" will pick me right up. I guess that’s where Francesco comes in. Those high notes and endless riffs will recalibrate this mind of mush I now possess. But first, I think I’m going to need a week or two to reflect on what happened. It all happened so fast. Gotta go through and think about what I did right, what I did wrong, what I should have done, and what I shouldn’t have ingested.
Giving a rats ass about anything in this world is a gamble, in that it’s not in any way up to you how this thing will behave. Like a hamster that has a sexual attraction to electrical outlets, whether or not you care doesn’t affect what it does. If it doesn’t die or get its little hamster balls electrocuted, all's well, but if it does happen to get freaky with its 110v seductress and, in turn, explode, then you’re out one hamster and probably fucked the rest of the block out of power for a few hours. This is the chance we take when we care about someone. Personally, I prefer the life of an anti social cynic. Don’t get attached, don’t get your hopes up, and you can’t be disappointed. Stay absolutely neutral about everything and you won’t have any problems.
But with THAT argument follows the ever predictable "Better to have loved and lost" argument. My rebuttal to this argument is "fuck love". There is no happiness in the world, only functionality. You work, stimulate the economy, and multiply. "Happy" is a high you feel when you get what you want. Give it a few hundred years, you'll see. Society will become strict. It will be used against us, just like Huxley said. If your needed, then you do what your needed for, otherwise, sex and drugs. What’s the difference between being happy with someone else and being happy and high off your ass on cocaine? People die drugged out all the time in hospitals.
Stop, stop...I don’t like where this is going. Moar about hamster I have been instructed.
Where did we leave off...ah yes. Hamster puts reproductive organ in something electrifying and dangerous. Then the hamster’s family and friends step in and for its own protection advice the hamster not to get too attached. Then the day finally comes when child proof covers are put over the outlets to prevent the hamster from getting it on with the plug anymore. The hamster is heartbroken and understands that it was for the best...maybe the hamster and the outlet should have just been friends...I mean, there’s a very good chance that eventually the hamster can get its feelings in check and be trusted enough to have the protective covers removed so that they can be friends. But still, there is a good chunk of the hamsters heart missing. Not easy to love something and let it go. So the hamster would then go to its hamster friend ham-cesco so that ham-cesco could cheer it up with some hamster metal. After a few hours of hamsterforce the hamster is fine and back on its feet. It goes back to the anti social hamster it once was warm in its self loathing and bitterness towards the world. Thats ok though because thats who the hamster IS. Perhaps the hamster and ham-cesco can both go out to mc’hamsters for some pellet pie mc’flurries with the outlet when the outlet visits. Afterwards they can watch hamsterblanca and......

....I feel better....

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Symphony of Destruction

So I just got back from the Toronto symphony orchestra playing Shostakovich’s symphony #5...and all I can say about my first symphony is...why are we going to the movies more often than the symphony?!
The amount of power in the performance I just saw was amazing. True revolution music. I mean this music was MOVING. It’s like these people are like the military of music. They play all together and in sync like rhythmic marching, except instead of marching their fingers dance on the necks of their violins and cellos. All in uniform and at the exact same places. It was so perfect, as though the music wasn’t coming from the musicians but instead I was watching the world’s largest game of multiplayer guitar hero and they were all too scared of each other to screw up. But it WAS them and THEM were amazing. They painted the air with the message being driven across by Shostakovich himself. Truly a product of the Russia it was born in to because when they are playing, they can manipulate the density of the air you breathe if they want to. At one point I was paralyzed at their command, waiting to see what their next note was going to be (which sucked cause I had an itch I really needed to scratch). If they wished it, they could make your every breath drive you to stand up and revolt. REVOLT! And revolt I did! To the nearest authority figure I could find. So right when the music reached its peak I reached mine. I stood up, out of my seat and jumped on stage. Chest out! Fist on my chest! And a look in my eye that said I am inspired! I am a man! And I HAVE A DREAM!
I was escorted out of the hall but this isn’t without its lesson. I am still inspired, and I will put this passion towards becoming the best piano player this world has seen.
But I also just got fallout 3 though so I think I’ll just do that.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

A thought that has lingered in my head for some time…

Our desire to give in to temptation is officially too great to overcome even for our own good. I haven’t written a blog in a while because I haven’t had anything good to say for a while. My life has been polluted with bad news and sorrow. People giving themselves up to petty temptations and animalistic impulses, and for what? Why bother holding on to the hope that we can be anything more than just animals that walk up right and wear clothes. We know what we want to do. We want to mate, eat, and sleep. Its all we are and all we can be.

I was almost loved but it turns out simple pleasure wins in the fight for love. Its our weakness that we cant understand. Like a drug. We know what we should do and we know what’s right….but we always know what we want as well, and nobody can deny that. There is no overcoming it.

Speak for yourself you say? No. Im speaking for everyone because anyone can deviate from the path they’re on. We are walking a tight rope over an abyss that is every easy way out, cut corner, sin, temptation, shortcut, and detour we’ve ever wanted to take. Just waiting for an excuse to fall. I’ve seen it; better people than you could imagine, beautiful people, giving their lives up to stupid choices.

This is dumb, I’ve known this all along. Its not that this is a new thought to me, I just keep falling in to delusion when I think that there is a chance at finding something better. Maybe Aldous Huxley was on to something. Maybe were all soma junkies just waiting for a good enough excuse to fall off the wagon. Maybe something bad enough can happen to anyone to send them spiraling downwards into an endless pattern of self destructive behavior. Its always easier to say “im broken and not worth fixing” then it is to actually try, right? But even if this is the case I still refuse to become something ive hated for so long. Its like when Johnny said to pony boy “stay golden ponyboy, stay golden.” We all come in to this world golden and to me, that’s something worth fighting for. And even if we do have some dirt on us here and there, it doesn’t mean we should just give up all together. Its like I always say “to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Hopefully some of us find that one person, because that seems like a good enough reason to stay gold to me.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Think Different?

I regret to inform you, the readers, that I am writing this blog on an apple. Yes, it seems not only were there no computers around, but no papers either so, I am writing this on an apple. Luckily it is a green apple so the writing is easy to see. Now it is only a matter of time before I come across a computer and can properly type this up so as to convey it to you.

I regret to inform you, the readers, that I am writing this blog on an apple computer. Yes, it seems not only were there no pc's around, but no bananas either because I would sooner transfer this message from an apple to a banana than from one apple to another. At least the banana peel wont crash if I try to read it.

Yes it seems that my co-op placement operates entirely on Macs, and I must hand it to them, they are good at making me look like I have never used a computer before. But I realized something about Macs too. Remember when Hitler tried to kill all of the Jews and, in turn, everyone else until nobody but the Germans was left? Yea, sound familiar doesn't it.

Yes it seems our friendly neighborhood apple store is nothing more than a concentration camp for competing electronics brands. Apple computers and hardware all together is 1st party, pure bread, apple electronics. No conflict and no fuss. Everything fits together so seamlessly and with out hesitation because they all have the same maker. No room for Jew-, sorry, MICROSOFT brand keyboards, oh no. that just won’t do.

now, I'm not saying by ANY means that Steve jobs is a racist or some kind of reincarnation of Hitler...though...I should look that up. All I'm saying is that in a world as diverse as ours there should me MANY brands of computer, mp3 player, and cell phone. I mean, look how far and high apples reputation has climbed in such little time. It used to take DECADES for companies to earn the trust of the people and NOW we are willing to get attached to anything that lets us touch their screen. I for one won’t stand for it.

Yes it seems Alex has come to another crossroads in his life. He must, AGAIN, purchase an mp3 player. This time, though, he's going for the big leagues. 120 Gigabyte hard-drive at LEAST. Of course Ipod is the first thing that comes to mind, and also LEAVES my mind. I refuse to suckle at the dried out tit of Steve jobs. Up until now it was between the ipod and the zune ONLY because they were the only two that could even compare to one another, but I’ve decided against the ipod for a riskier approach. Say what you will but I want to stand out from the crowd. I can think. I NOTICE that there is an IPOD section and an MP3 section at the store. WHY!?! THIS IS SEGREGATION ALL OVER AGAIN! No, I think ill chance it with the zune. Everywhere I turn there are people forgiving and compromising for apple electronics. Who could stay mad at such a nice, clean, white mp3 player or computer? But I want everyone to know that in the future, if apples slogan becomes "WHITE POWER" I called it!

Sunday, October 4, 2009

FUCK titles

I had an ENTIRE fuckin blog ready about how i was at work and i opened a box full of mirrors and tripped out cause i thought i was IN the box or something, and it was pretty good too. But looking over it, its just not me. I couldnt help but think to myself, "FUCK alex, YOUVE LOST IT!"
Gone are the days of yogurt cups and centapides, now i am tied down with friends, girlfriends, and "emoooootions". What the hell happened? i used to be a loser too! HONEST! I used to be able to talk about nothing and keep people happy all day. BUT NO! Im not funny anymore, now i have REAL things to talk about. NOW i am "GRACED" with the oppurtunity to talk about how one of my BEST friends is never going to talk to me again. and WHY?!? BECAUSE I decided to, INSTEAD of STAYING IN THE SAFE CONFINES of my room, up and LEAVE at 6 in the morning TO BE SPONTANEOUS and BUS IT UP TO A FUCKING TOWN IVE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO! WELL FUCK! NEVER AGAIN. i was WAY funnier before i grew faith in the world and i liked it. My anger and bitterness kept me warm. But NOW i have "FRIEDNS". NOW i can see the BEAUTIFUL side of the world. I mean HERES a person who i could COUNT on calling me everynight just to talk with and vent to. BEST friend I ever had, and what do I DO? i FUCK IT UP LIKE ITS A KID WHO LEARNED THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS!
Dont get me wrong, this isnt without its life lesson, but in the end, NO lesson is worth what i lost. I would GLADLY cut off my pinky finger just to prove a POINT to this person. But decapitation isnt always enough. No, i could hurl myself into a combine harvester and STILL not make things better. So what do i do? i LIVE with it. i LIVE with a scar that will never heal. Like IM prometheus and THEYRE THOUGHT is the eagle that comes down and feasts on my liver EVERY DAY. SO there. Maybe a piece of funny alex died or maybe the world just got a little darker itself. Its like the comedian said, "Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense." and i agree. Fuck taking things seriously and screw getting attached. Now all i need to do is figure out what to do with these two CN Tower tickets...

Thursday, September 10, 2009

THATS IT! As an act of desperation im going to force myself to write nonstop for a minute just to get a new blog out. no title not punctuation no style or revision or ANYTHING. i was gunna write about how its been a long time since i had written a new blog but i would always stop and write nothing in the end. right now im about to go to bed so as to try and wake up for a run tomorrow morning like i used to go on but i dont think ill wake up cause i always give in to temptation which is my bed sheets in every case. i cant resist sleeping. i got in to the bad habit of sleeping in last year even though i knew i was going to be late for class. i would do this every day. WTF! RIGHT! its like im useless but it felt so good... the first few times. then i just got used to it but still didnt stop. why should we get up anyways? whats the difference between being happy now and being happy later. i COULD wake up, go to school, get an education, and stave off hunger for the rest of my life...but i ALSO could stay in bed today and starve tomorrow. Who cares? were gunna die anyays. might as well die well rested right. which makes me wonder, rest in peace? they right that on everyones memorial, but why. some people, like me, do nothing BUT rest. if anything it should say "YOU BETTER BE DOING SOMETHING UP THERE" cause like fuck should they live and die resting. nobodies ok with that. speaking of death i just saw defiance i felt it was so good i would add it in to this block of writing some where. >DEFIANCE<. there. this is truly an amazing movie. i mean, i almost cried at one point, and not many movies have been able to do that to me. definitely a movie worth watching. Ok im gunna go sleep cause this forced writing has taken it out of me so as i wrap up this wall of letters and spaces i leave you with my word that i will bring more blogs this year that are funnier and more entertaining, because i know you guys check this at work and school when all the other good websites are closed off.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


I haven’t written a blog in a while...strange that the time I
decide to buckle down and ACTUALLY write one is also the time I’m the
most hung-over I have ever been. I hate drinking...
Anyways, this blog isn’t about drinking. God no. If a drop of alcohol
comes even remotely close to me I think ill hurl, especially that
amaretto shit. There’s a story behind that by the way but you'll never
hear it. Not cause I don’t like you or anything, I just don’t wanna
get into it.
No, this blog is about all the coffee that has recently become
necessary to my daily routine. You see, I have avoided coffee and
caffeine for most of my life but never as much as I have recently. Why
do this horrible, horrible thing? What if I end up being the reason
Tim Horton’s eventually goes bankrupt and closes all of its locations?

-Remind me to write a blog comparing those words to blasphemy and how
easy it is for the general public to develop a crutch on something
like a coffee shop or a god.-

Anyways, where was I...Ah yes, caffeine. The REASON I never
drink coffee is because I noticed caffeine is the source of all and
any acne I ever experienced in my life. Every time I have a coffee or
eat some chocolate I break out all over my face. When I cut the shit
out though, I'm fine. All I really hoped to do with this blog is to
alert the general public of this little known fact...seriously. Yes I
feel bad that I made you read all of that and NONE of it was funny but
sometimes we have to be serious, too, dick. This was my attempt at
addressing a serious matter and I'd like to see you try. I CAN BE
AHHWAHWHHWEHEHEHHE....i'm so fuckin hung-over....

Monday, July 27, 2009

Conversations With Francesco

Francesco sent a long ass message to everybody attending his beachpart on facebook...

nice message

....are you gay?

no, I just want shitloads of people to come


that came out all wrong


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Letter

It's been you since kindergarten and that's a lot longer than one year. He who hesitates is lost, and I’m tired of losing out because of how unsure I am. I’m taking a chance with you, and however it ends up between us I know I’ll always remember what we have...because its something probably nobody else can give me. I’m sorry for treating you the way I did these past few weeks, but deep down I always knew it was you. I just didn’t want to make the wrong move with anybody’s feelings...forgive me and let me show you what I can do....what do you say.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Conversations With Francesco

After a long night, Francesco is ready to turn in. Not me, though, I was actually up talking to friends, one of which was a girl, who I found myself webcamming with. This sort of thing doesn't happen often because, I mean, who web cams anymore anyways, right? Besides, its not like any of them work...


I'm webcamming with a girl.

... I didn't know you had a webcam.

Tell her to tits or gtfo. I'm going to bed. Later.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Summer School Summer Sucks

First day of summer school today...well, first day THIS year. I have experienced the concentration camp that is summer school before in my life. I was lucky enough to have earned all of my credits last year and didn’t go last summer. But like a jail bird that has spent most of his life in prison, I found I had nothing to do with all of the free time in my system. Most teenagers would go to the beach and enjoy the time off from school. I guess I’ve grown to rely on school as my major source of plans in my life which probably isn’t good.

Anyways, I’m stuck taking a full credit course which translates to five and a half hours a day in a school with no A/C. Not to mention that it’s a school that I’ve never been to. The school board expecting me to learn in a new school is like going to a friend’s house for the first time and them expecting you to shower...with 30 other students. Although, this HAS proven to be a good opportunity in the past as it has helped me meet a lot of new people and make new friends, the summer school I mean, not the showering with 30 other students, everybody is just quiet through out that. Yes, under these dire conditions it is necessary to find your group of friends as fast as possible if you intend to survive the crucial first days. It’s not yet clear to me why, but the crowd just seems gloomier at summer school, like I’m on the ship of lost souls or something. You walk in to the room and literally every type of social group is represented, you have your jocks who were too busy partying and hooking up with girls to pass, the fobs who just couldn’t speak the language and failed cause of that, the creepy Goth kids that appear to have just taken summer school because they needed something to complain about, and the "cool" stoner kids who, as far as they're concerned, never left normal school. First impressions are important because of this. It is important to establish your normality so that you can band together with the other normals and survive summer school without changing. Summer school is especially dangerous because it is during the summer that people are most likely to get bored and in turn want to try new things and get involved in new crowds.

I wonder about the teachers at the school too. What kind of teacher in their right mind would voluntarily teach during the summer? None of them will. I'm convinced that they just pull people off of the street and sit them in front of the class. I saw one teacher lean back in his chair once and start telling the class about how lucky they were to have shoes. Sounds like homeless talk to me.

Difficult to learn under these circumstances. If anything, I hear that if you fail summer school you can sign up for winter school. Needs looking in to.

I finally remembered to take out the trash today...

...the city is on strike...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Conversations with Francesco

After seeing a one of those house centipedes crawl under my computer desk out of the corner of my eye, I ran and grabbed the vacuum so that I wouldn’t have to get to close to it to kill it. Upon my return, though, I realized that it was gone. I found my self unable to continue with my regular routine knowing that the centipede could jump out and eat me at any second so I turned to Francesco for guidance...

use the force alex

fuckin things move so fast

yeah man

and theyre practically camoflauge

but don't worry they eat other bugs
they're like terminator bugs

how do i lure it out in to the open
so i can vaccum it

LOL, tape a live bug somewhere visible, with a light
and put a sticky note that says 'bug connor'


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

When Yogurt Perspires

I hate that watery stuff on top of your yogurt cup.
Personally, I don't think the yogurt is ready to
leave the factory if it's still expelling water and
shit. And I think this is true cause some yogurts
aren't like that but some insist on producing that
watery shit at the top.

Apparently, that stuff is good for your
blood if you just drink it. Who the hell discovered
this? That it's good for your blood? For somebody to
find out that the excrement from yogurt is good for
you means that at some point in history, among all
the other horrible, judgmental people in the world
that hated it right off the bat, ONE person had
faith in this strange watery residue on top of his
yogurt and said, "You know what, I'm going to prove
the world wrong about you!" And that he did, because
after rigorous and persistent testing, he came to
the conclusion that this, this water, this sweat of
the yogurt, is, if ingested, good for your blood.

I hope he's happy, i really do, but I'm
still not drinking it. That's right, I refuse to
honor his discovery by actually taking part in this
ritualistic drinking of the yogurt's blood. WHY?
Because One-A-Day tablets aren't nearly as gross to
think about. We have created so many more efficient
ways of improving our blood to the point where this
information isn't necessary. So, it's interesting
enough, but I refuse to drink that disgusting,
yogurt-tinted water on top of my yogurt.

Some of you would say, "Alex! Why don't you
just stir it in to your yogurt?!?" Don't be an
idiot. You know I have a problem with it, and I'm
smart enough to know that just cause I can't see my
problem, it doesn’t mean it isn't still there. Same
applies to the yogurt. For starters, stirring this
yogurt drink in with my ACTUAL yogurt could very
well affect my yogurt's consistency in a bad way,
and I'm not ready to do that cause THEN I can't eat
ANY of the yogurt. Not to mention, if I stir it in
with the rest, it's still there, I just don’t know
where; and this, in turn, will leave my tongue
afraid of what it's eating and I wont enjoy my
yogurt, so there.

In conclusion, i wrote this blog and now the
watery stuff on top of my yogurt went away...
The fuck did it go....
What if its in the yogurt...

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I am MAN

Recently I have slowly started to do one of two things. One, I am becoming more of a man in this world and slowly achieving where I want to be. Or two, my mind is coping with my LACK of manliness by twisting and manipulating the way I interpret reality to make me THINK I'm more of a man lately.

Either way, I’m happy.

The first sign of my manliness is my height. Tall, towering over my foes. I am unstoppable. My ability to grow a beard that is thick and bushy also provides me with considerable man status. Of course, it is enough to have the ABILITY to grow the beard, I don’t actually NEED to. When I urinate, a thunderous boom echoes through out the house letting everybody know who runs things around here. I love electronics and gadgets, like my remote control that can operate anything in the house with a simple push of a button. Grandpa's wheelchair getting on your nerves, not a problem, just steer it in to the pool. That pace-maker humming getting on your nerves? Turn it off for a bit. Yes this is a real mans remote. I have a leather jacket with a story behind it, because its not enough to just buy one, it has to have a good story behind it too, like where the "hells angels" patch came from or how you got a mustard stain on the back. I drive a pickup truck, which comes in very handy for my job at the office, like when I need to drive there and back. I have a wife with breast implants because I told her to put them there. I love breasts. There’s nothing like breasts on a hot day to cool you off. Oh yea. Only thing I like more than breasts is beer, beer being poured over breasts, beer being poured over breasts on a hot dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, sorry my y-key got stuck down. Another one of the things that has made me more of a man is my love for wings. Oh yes, I can’t get enough wings. I'll eat hundreds at a time and down them with the hottest hot sauce. Studies show that resistance to spicy foods is associated with the amount of testosterone surging through your veins. Wimp, call me when your balls drop.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Don't you hate it when you really need to go to the bathroom but you also want to shower so you rush in to the bathroom and get undressed and see someone is using the bathroom already, and you realize that your in the wrong house?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Congradulations, It's A Beautiful Baby Blog!

Check check
1, 2, 1, 2
Is this keyboard plugged in?
There we go.
Are we good to go?
*Looks into the distance and squints to make it seem like he really needs to double check*
Dave? Am I good to go?

Ahh, there's nothing like avoiding homework by creating a blog.