Monday, April 30, 2012

Rainy Day..Rainy Life...

The rain drops collide with my window
it makes my house cry
the sun doesnt want to come out
i dont want to come out of the sun

i never understood what nihilism was
so i gave up trying to understand it
just like the world gave up trying to understand me...

when i call her she ignores me
when i text her she doesnt respond
when i need her she isnt there...
...why did she have to lose her phone..

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Things Im Thinking When Getting Slammed at Work

Dear Jesus,
Now, I know I haven't been to your house in a while and it might seem i only celebrate your birthday for the gifts and cake, and i havent been to your funeral in a while either, which, if i may say, is every year so its kind of unfair to expect me to show up every year. YOURE the one faking your own death. It was cool the first time but now its just rude. We all know youre faking it.
Anyways, all im saying is this is totally unfair. Its a Tuesday night and im already out of carpaccio and prosciutto, not to mention my gelato is all melted cause the freezer doesnt want to work and were still seating people. Im on my own here! Lets cut a deal, ill fast forrrr...say 15 days, no meat no dairy, and in exchange you clear out some of these people or give me a third arm or something.
Let me know what you think. Try to get back to me soon, im running out of dessert plates. Plus my managers Italian is starting to sound angrier and his hand gestures are starting to look like he's killing someone with an ice pick too.
Cool, thanks.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Poli Sci

Rob Ford. What can i really say about him that you havent already read on every paper, magazine, flyer, blog, facebook status, bumber sticker, or tshirt already. Hes fat, which wouldnt matter but when youre already losing, like he is in my eyes, i associate his weight with greed and gluttony, like one would with Jabba the Hut. Theres rarely a time where i see him on tv and his tone of voice alone doesnt make me cringe. So far his decision making skills seem to have stopped developing at around the stubborn age of seven. He presents no give, not even when an entire city believes the complete opposite as him. Hey, integrity is great but when youre in a position of power its dangerous. As far as danger however i dont think anyone needs to worry about Ford steering us into a wall, i think he just wants the drivers seat cause its more comfortable. So i say, give the baby his bottle until the next election where in we'll yank it away from him and let him cry himself to sleep.
"Rappa Jappa Han Solo Bringy Wingy"

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Sketch Premise

Premise, premise, premise, premise, cheese...old cheese, grilled cheese, cheesecake, cheesequake, the moon is made of cheese.....the cow jumped over the moon..brown cows make chocolate milk...chocolate milk has as much sugar as pop..jamie olivers food revoloution..fat people in america..were the kids of america whoa oh, 80's music and clothes...
i love pastel colours. the world would be better if the government invested in a city wide sound system that always played new wave synth pop from the 80's all the time and everyone had to wear government issued pastel coloured suits from the 80's. Also, there would be no new technology, only tapes and shit. technology JUST before the internet. If i were in charged i would make this so. it would be heaven. Saturday detention would be reinstated and groups of teenagers from all walks of life would spend EVERY saturday