Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Mortal Kombat of our time

It seems lately the only thing that can motivate me to write recently is my feeling of sheer disgust or profound love for a movie I saw and want to share with the world. So then, as my favorite writer and video game reviewer says, let’s talk shittyness. 

Prince of Persia was such a terrible movie that I had to, now, the night before the longest day of my week, stay up and try to put in words how bad it was and how it made me feel. This being said, however, im also going to rush through this blog because tomorrow seriously is a long ass day and I wanna sleep. Also I love abba.

First things first. Who the fuck decided that the most appropriate accent for movies in ancient Greece, Middle Earth, and now Persia, is some weird hybrid of british and scotish and a bunch of other shit which is SUPPOSEDLY supposed to represent “high language” used by royalty but has no place in ancient Persia. (Lord of the rings is off the hook for this though) But prince of Persia? These are actors that make millions of dollars and don’t even have to TRY learning a Persia accent. That’s bullshit. Which just brings me to my next point. 

Who the fuck would want to see Jake Gyllenhaal attempt a Persian accent in the first place. No, he should have just stuck to being spider-man in my opinion. Honestly there was no reason for him to be in this movie at all. Even the stunts weren’t done by him. So who do I think they SHOULD have used?
……Jason Statham. 

Yes Jason Statham. Not only could he have pulled off all the stunts on his own while wearing a suit and driving across the desert in an audi, but he could ALSO take a swing at the accent, which could only make the movie better in the end. And WHILE were on the subject of actors, what the fuck was Ben Kingsley doing in this movie. Talent like that has no place in a movie as bad as this and I hope the people who kidnapped him and forced him to do the movie are caught and brought to justice. I feel the only fitting punishment for them would be something out of ancient Persia too, like cutting off their hands or being buried up to their neck in sand next to a hill of fire ants. 

What I think they should have done with the movie was loaded it full of Persian stereotypes like carpets and pillows everywhere and shitty interior design. That way it would at least seem like it had a sense of humor about it. Think about it. Wouldn’t you have enjoyed the movie better if they had discount electronics stores in the market places? Or if someone referred to the dagger as a “weapon of mass destruction”?
I'm tired. Goodnight.

P.s. Sorry Sasan. I tried to give you a mention in this blog but it’s a lot harder than you’d think . Maybe next time.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Up in the Air

I haven’t written a blog in a while and I don’t think I have anything interesting to write about but my latest blog isnt going to sell newcomers to my blog on my writing so I have to write something fresh and new. Here it is. Right now. Now. ………..


I just watched up in the air and I thought it was an excellent movie. Watch it. 

Next up, I just got a new job at canyon creek. I am an expeditor in the kitchen, a job which oddly enough does not involve ANY expeditions to far away countries to retrieve rare and sought after ingredients. Instead I am dressing salads and pairing steak knives with steaks before the dishes are sent out. Still good but, in the end, not what I was expecting. This means I'm working at zellers AND canyon creek at the same time. This makes me a single mother. I don’t know why I said that. If you were offended, im sorry, if not, your name is Francesco and youre currently texting me about how much better this blog is so far than the last one. ANYWAYS, that sentence was really difficult to word and I lost my train of thought. Ummmm…oh yes, my new job; Thank you Mildred. I also went to nuite blanche which turned out to be just a giant excuse for the city to throw its trash on the ground, and I mean the art too. But anyways, im now cultured for having gone to that so there you go. I cant think of much else to mention so lemme check my phone…nothing.
Well that’s all for my blog for tonight. Ill start writing more often though cause I just realized I started with nothing got this far.