Symphony of Destruction

So I just got back from the Toronto symphony orchestra playing Shostakovich’s symphony #5...and all I can say about my first symphony is...why are we going to the movies more often than the symphony?!
The amount of power in the performance I just saw was amazing. True revolution music. I mean this music was MOVING. It’s like these people are like the military of music. They play all together and in sync like rhythmic marching, except instead of marching their fingers dance on the necks of their violins and cellos. All in uniform and at the exact same places. It was so perfect, as though the music wasn’t coming from the musicians but instead I was watching the world’s largest game of multiplayer guitar hero and they were all too scared of each other to screw up. But it WAS them and THEM were amazing. They painted the air with the message being driven across by Shostakovich himself. Truly a product of the Russia it was born in to because when they are playing, they can manipulate the density of the air you breathe if they want to. At one point I was paralyzed at their command, waiting to see what their next note was going to be (which sucked cause I had an itch I really needed to scratch). If they wished it, they could make your every breath drive you to stand up and revolt. REVOLT! And revolt I did! To the nearest authority figure I could find. So right when the music reached its peak I reached mine. I stood up, out of my seat and jumped on stage. Chest out! Fist on my chest! And a look in my eye that said I am inspired! I am a man! And I HAVE A DREAM!
I was escorted out of the hall but this isn’t without its lesson. I am still inspired, and I will put this passion towards becoming the best piano player this world has seen.
But I also just got fallout 3 though so I think I’ll just do that.

A thought that has lingered in my head for some time…

Our desire to give in to temptation is officially too great to overcome even for our own good. I haven’t written a blog in a while because I haven’t had anything good to say for a while. My life has been polluted with bad news and sorrow. People giving themselves up to petty temptations and animalistic impulses, and for what? Why bother holding on to the hope that we can be anything more than just animals that walk up right and wear clothes. We know what we want to do. We want to mate, eat, and sleep. Its all we are and all we can be.

I was almost loved but it turns out simple pleasure wins in the fight for love. Its our weakness that we cant understand. Like a drug. We know what we should do and we know what’s right….but we always know what we want as well, and nobody can deny that. There is no overcoming it.

Speak for yourself you say? No. Im speaking for everyone because anyone can deviate from the path they’re on. We are walking a tight rope over an abyss that is every easy way out, cut corner, sin, temptation, shortcut, and detour we’ve ever wanted to take. Just waiting for an excuse to fall. I’ve seen it; better people than you could imagine, beautiful people, giving their lives up to stupid choices.

This is dumb, I’ve known this all along. Its not that this is a new thought to me, I just keep falling in to delusion when I think that there is a chance at finding something better. Maybe Aldous Huxley was on to something. Maybe were all soma junkies just waiting for a good enough excuse to fall off the wagon. Maybe something bad enough can happen to anyone to send them spiraling downwards into an endless pattern of self destructive behavior. Its always easier to say “im broken and not worth fixing” then it is to actually try, right? But even if this is the case I still refuse to become something ive hated for so long. Its like when Johnny said to pony boy “stay golden ponyboy, stay golden.” We all come in to this world golden and to me, that’s something worth fighting for. And even if we do have some dirt on us here and there, it doesn’t mean we should just give up all together. Its like I always say “to the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.” Hopefully some of us find that one person, because that seems like a good enough reason to stay gold to me.