How can i describe the feeling i got when i saw my acceptance to humbers comedy writing program?
Well...imagine how harry potter felt when he got his acceptance letter to hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry via a magical own. Then put him on ecstasy. Then put him and hermione alone in a bedroom together with two wands. Two vibrating wands...
THATS what it feels like.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
Tim Hortons
A sketch by me and francesco. Something along the lines of this happened in real life so feel free to think of guy 1 as me and guy 3 as francesco.
(Guy 1 enters the Tim Horton’s and approaches the counter with guy 3.)
Guy 1: Hi. How much is a large chai tea.
Guy 2: $1.79, sir.
Guy 1: Oh wow, and how much for a small?
Guy 2: $1.29 sir.
Guy 1: And am I getting a bigger tea bag for the large price?
Guy 2: uhh...no sir. It’s the same tea just more water.
Guy 1: So you’re telling me that the price goes up with respect to how much hot water I'm getting?
Guy 2: I guess so.
Guy 1: So if I get a large cup and pay the large price, I only get a little bit more water and that’s it?
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: And you think that’s a just reason to charge me 50 cents more than a small?
(Guy 3 smirks at Guy 1)
Guy 2: Well, I don’t do the pricing but I’m guessing the people at head office came to this conclusion...
Guy 1: So you’re telling me that if I don’t have that extra fifty cents, I can’t get a large tea? EVEN though I’m still getting the same tea bag?
Guy 2:...I guess so. Yes...
Guy 1: so then if IM being charged for the water and NOT the tea COULDNT I in theory have the teabag for free?
(Guy 3 begins to laugh)
Guy 2:No. I can’t give out the teabags for free.
Guy 1: Then how much is a cup of boiling hot water.
Guy 2: Well...its nothing...we don’t really charge for that...
Guy 1: so TECHNICALLY the hot water is FREE until it becomes tea?!
Guy 2: I GUESS SO, YES!
Guy 1:SO THEN THEORETICALLY I COULD WALTZ IN HERE, ORDER A SMALL TEA AND ASK FOR AN EXTRA LARGE CUP OF BOILING WATER AND END UP WITH MORE THAN I WOULD NORMALLY GET FOR LESS THAN I WOULD NORMALLY PAY!?!
Guy 2: No!
Guy 1: WHY NOT! WHATS IT TO YOU WHAT I DO WITH MY HOT WATER!
Guy 2: NOTHING, ALRIGHT! ARE YOU GOING TO ORDER OR WHAT!
Guy 1: Yeah I'll have a bagel...
(Guy 3 explodes in to uncontrollable laughter)
Guy 2: HERE! NEXT! Welcome to Tim Horton’s can I take your order?
(Guy 3 approaches the counter with a smirk on his face)
Guy 3: Yea ill have a large cup of hot water
(Guy 1 enters the Tim Horton’s and approaches the counter with guy 3.)
Guy 1: Hi. How much is a large chai tea.
Guy 2: $1.79, sir.
Guy 1: Oh wow, and how much for a small?
Guy 2: $1.29 sir.
Guy 1: And am I getting a bigger tea bag for the large price?
Guy 2: uhh...no sir. It’s the same tea just more water.
Guy 1: So you’re telling me that the price goes up with respect to how much hot water I'm getting?
Guy 2: I guess so.
Guy 1: So if I get a large cup and pay the large price, I only get a little bit more water and that’s it?
Guy 2: Yes.
Guy 1: And you think that’s a just reason to charge me 50 cents more than a small?
(Guy 3 smirks at Guy 1)
Guy 2: Well, I don’t do the pricing but I’m guessing the people at head office came to this conclusion...
Guy 1: So you’re telling me that if I don’t have that extra fifty cents, I can’t get a large tea? EVEN though I’m still getting the same tea bag?
Guy 2:...I guess so. Yes...
Guy 1: so then if IM being charged for the water and NOT the tea COULDNT I in theory have the teabag for free?
(Guy 3 begins to laugh)
Guy 2:No. I can’t give out the teabags for free.
Guy 1: Then how much is a cup of boiling hot water.
Guy 2: Well...its nothing...we don’t really charge for that...
Guy 1: so TECHNICALLY the hot water is FREE until it becomes tea?!
Guy 2: I GUESS SO, YES!
Guy 1:SO THEN THEORETICALLY I COULD WALTZ IN HERE, ORDER A SMALL TEA AND ASK FOR AN EXTRA LARGE CUP OF BOILING WATER AND END UP WITH MORE THAN I WOULD NORMALLY GET FOR LESS THAN I WOULD NORMALLY PAY!?!
Guy 2: No!
Guy 1: WHY NOT! WHATS IT TO YOU WHAT I DO WITH MY HOT WATER!
Guy 2: NOTHING, ALRIGHT! ARE YOU GOING TO ORDER OR WHAT!
Guy 1: Yeah I'll have a bagel...
(Guy 3 explodes in to uncontrollable laughter)
Guy 2: HERE! NEXT! Welcome to Tim Horton’s can I take your order?
(Guy 3 approaches the counter with a smirk on his face)
Guy 3: Yea ill have a large cup of hot water
Monday, March 14, 2011
Alex and Derek Write A Blog
There once was a time where writing a blog was a singular activity. Tonight, however, were gunna double team this blog...
What were going to do is take turns writing sentences. It will start with me and go to derek and then come back to me.
A:Theres always that one friend you can rely on for anything.
D:One friend that you can count on any time, except for three in the morning.
A:Unfortunately, that friend isnt here right now, and im stuck with derek.
D:Youre a dick.
A:How am i a dick, its true. You never done shit for me.
D:Oh yea? Remember when we took that tv down to your basement at one in the morning? Oh suck your own dick. Sorry i wasnt writing that i was talking to the roll up the rim cup. I didnt know you were gunna be writing everything i said.
A:Well i am so dont get ahead of yourself, i want my blog to still sound somewhat intelligent after this.
D:Turn this fuckin music off i cant concentrate.
A:No its my room and Wyclef is a genius.
D:This is the worst idea ever, its gunna be the worst blog.
A:Thats only cause your doing it wrong. Youre supposed to be funny. Say something funny.
D:Dont take candy from strangers.
A:Thats not funny, thats FUN! AHA! GET IT!
D:No.
A:Get out.
D:Youre in MY house.
A:No im not, look around you-...wait...
D:And thats why you dont take candy from strangers.
A:WHATS GOING ON?!
D:*picks up coat hanger* Where do coat hangers come from?
A:Coat hanger trees.
D:Oh is it my turn again?
A:Thats enough of this.
What were going to do is take turns writing sentences. It will start with me and go to derek and then come back to me.
A:Theres always that one friend you can rely on for anything.
D:One friend that you can count on any time, except for three in the morning.
A:Unfortunately, that friend isnt here right now, and im stuck with derek.
D:Youre a dick.
A:How am i a dick, its true. You never done shit for me.
D:Oh yea? Remember when we took that tv down to your basement at one in the morning? Oh suck your own dick. Sorry i wasnt writing that i was talking to the roll up the rim cup. I didnt know you were gunna be writing everything i said.
A:Well i am so dont get ahead of yourself, i want my blog to still sound somewhat intelligent after this.
D:Turn this fuckin music off i cant concentrate.
A:No its my room and Wyclef is a genius.
D:This is the worst idea ever, its gunna be the worst blog.
A:Thats only cause your doing it wrong. Youre supposed to be funny. Say something funny.
D:Dont take candy from strangers.
A:Thats not funny, thats FUN! AHA! GET IT!
D:No.
A:Get out.
D:Youre in MY house.
A:No im not, look around you-...wait...
D:And thats why you dont take candy from strangers.
A:WHATS GOING ON?!
D:*picks up coat hanger* Where do coat hangers come from?
A:Coat hanger trees.
D:Oh is it my turn again?
A:Thats enough of this.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Perfect Girl
christina. says:
man .. i dont know this girl. but she better be able to appreciate your sense of humour if shes gonna be with you .....
just saying
Alexander Varoutas says:
lol she cant
i would have to lock my sense of humor in the attick and deny having it
and try to convince her that the scratching noises coming from the attick were nothing
attick...
attic
thats it
anyways
it would eat leftovers and never see the light
and like a flower it would wilt and slowly die
and id marry her and forget who i was
unhappy i would do whatever she wanted until one day
one of us died
if its me
good
if its her
i might just go rummaging
through the old stuff in the attic and find its corpse
and that once sick, demented, funny part of me will compell me to wear its skin like a cape
making me funny again
but that weird type of funny
that scares kids and turns adults away..
i hope i die first
man .. i dont know this girl. but she better be able to appreciate your sense of humour if shes gonna be with you .....
just saying
Alexander Varoutas says:
lol she cant
i would have to lock my sense of humor in the attick and deny having it
and try to convince her that the scratching noises coming from the attick were nothing
attick...
attic
thats it
anyways
it would eat leftovers and never see the light
and like a flower it would wilt and slowly die
and id marry her and forget who i was
unhappy i would do whatever she wanted until one day
one of us died
if its me
good
if its her
i might just go rummaging
through the old stuff in the attic and find its corpse
and that once sick, demented, funny part of me will compell me to wear its skin like a cape
making me funny again
but that weird type of funny
that scares kids and turns adults away..
i hope i die first
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