Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I am MAN

Recently I have slowly started to do one of two things. One, I am becoming more of a man in this world and slowly achieving where I want to be. Or two, my mind is coping with my LACK of manliness by twisting and manipulating the way I interpret reality to make me THINK I'm more of a man lately.

Either way, I’m happy.

The first sign of my manliness is my height. Tall, towering over my foes. I am unstoppable. My ability to grow a beard that is thick and bushy also provides me with considerable man status. Of course, it is enough to have the ABILITY to grow the beard, I don’t actually NEED to. When I urinate, a thunderous boom echoes through out the house letting everybody know who runs things around here. I love electronics and gadgets, like my remote control that can operate anything in the house with a simple push of a button. Grandpa's wheelchair getting on your nerves, not a problem, just steer it in to the pool. That pace-maker humming getting on your nerves? Turn it off for a bit. Yes this is a real mans remote. I have a leather jacket with a story behind it, because its not enough to just buy one, it has to have a good story behind it too, like where the "hells angels" patch came from or how you got a mustard stain on the back. I drive a pickup truck, which comes in very handy for my job at the office, like when I need to drive there and back. I have a wife with breast implants because I told her to put them there. I love breasts. There’s nothing like breasts on a hot day to cool you off. Oh yea. Only thing I like more than breasts is beer, beer being poured over breasts, beer being poured over breasts on a hot dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, sorry my y-key got stuck down. Another one of the things that has made me more of a man is my love for wings. Oh yes, I can’t get enough wings. I'll eat hundreds at a time and down them with the hottest hot sauce. Studies show that resistance to spicy foods is associated with the amount of testosterone surging through your veins. Wimp, call me when your balls drop.

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