Tuesday, June 9, 2009

When Yogurt Perspires

I hate that watery stuff on top of your yogurt cup.
Personally, I don't think the yogurt is ready to
leave the factory if it's still expelling water and
shit. And I think this is true cause some yogurts
aren't like that but some insist on producing that
watery shit at the top.

Apparently, that stuff is good for your
blood if you just drink it. Who the hell discovered
this? That it's good for your blood? For somebody to
find out that the excrement from yogurt is good for
you means that at some point in history, among all
the other horrible, judgmental people in the world
that hated it right off the bat, ONE person had
faith in this strange watery residue on top of his
yogurt and said, "You know what, I'm going to prove
the world wrong about you!" And that he did, because
after rigorous and persistent testing, he came to
the conclusion that this, this water, this sweat of
the yogurt, is, if ingested, good for your blood.

I hope he's happy, i really do, but I'm
still not drinking it. That's right, I refuse to
honor his discovery by actually taking part in this
ritualistic drinking of the yogurt's blood. WHY?
Because One-A-Day tablets aren't nearly as gross to
think about. We have created so many more efficient
ways of improving our blood to the point where this
information isn't necessary. So, it's interesting
enough, but I refuse to drink that disgusting,
yogurt-tinted water on top of my yogurt.

Some of you would say, "Alex! Why don't you
just stir it in to your yogurt?!?" Don't be an
idiot. You know I have a problem with it, and I'm
smart enough to know that just cause I can't see my
problem, it doesn’t mean it isn't still there. Same
applies to the yogurt. For starters, stirring this
yogurt drink in with my ACTUAL yogurt could very
well affect my yogurt's consistency in a bad way,
and I'm not ready to do that cause THEN I can't eat
ANY of the yogurt. Not to mention, if I stir it in
with the rest, it's still there, I just don’t know
where; and this, in turn, will leave my tongue
afraid of what it's eating and I wont enjoy my
yogurt, so there.

In conclusion, i wrote this blog and now the
watery stuff on top of my yogurt went away...
The fuck did it go....
What if its in the yogurt...


  1. Darling Alex,
    The watery stuff is whey, like in curds and whey.
    Yes, it is high in protein and is good for you but it is a little off putting.
    Draining it is the easiest solution but you might loose some of the good yogurt.
    When you don't see any whey in the yogurt that means the evil food company has use a gelatin filler in the yogurt. That means less good live culture more profit for the middle man packager.
    Now here is a solution to your vexing problem.
    Buy Greek yogurt. The whey has been strained off and it is thicker.
    Greek is a style not an import.
    Another solution is get a strainer and a coffee filter and strain it yourself. Stick it in the frig for a couple of hours and the whey will seep out.
    As for the disappearing whey, as your yogurt warmed to room temp and you jostled it, the whey re-absorbed into the yogurt. Just as if you had stirred it.
    Truly friend...take a chill pill!

  2. Which rebekah is this?
    and its the flavoured yogurt i have a problem with. But i figured in for a penny in for a pound so now i just drink milk