My initial blog was supposed to be about trying mixed martial arts the other day but i realized two paragraphs in that i didnt laugh once and instead just shuddered every time i tried to put in words how uncomfortable i was while being man handled by guys i didnt know from all angles while pinned against the floor struggling for air away from the PERSPIRATION OH GOD THE HORROR!
Anyways, instead im going to write about the recent change of heart ive had about my job.
I recently got promoted to prep cook at my job. Im working full time hours preparing the food in the restaurant. i was never sure that i wanted to work in a kitchen but i thought i could try it and see where it takes me. After all, if my career in writing fell through, culinary was always my back up. I now know that it isnt my back up, and that i would sooner beg for change than work as a cook in the food service industry. Now this might now be entirely because of the cooking cause i still like cooking a meal. But its not the same in a restaurant. When you make dinner for a girl, its something special cause youve poured effort in to something and toiled over it for at least a few hours, and you get to enjoy the benefits later that night because of it. But in a restaurant, the customers are SO opposed to you asking for sex even though YOU made their meal. That was the first time i had ever been written up.
But its not even the absence of sex with the customers that bugs me the most. The part that bugs me the most about my job is that i suck at it...like...SO bad. SO bad it hurts. Literally. My fingers are all burnt and cut up cause i suck at this job so much. And worse than that is that i was promoted so i cant quit or ask to move cause then i would just seem like an ungrateful prick. So now im stuck doing this job, full time, until September when i go back to school. Now, you might be thinking "Oh alex, just tough it out till then, its not like you have anything to lose"
But thats not the way i see it. See, this was the first job i have ever had where i felt like i had the slightest iota of respect from my co-workers, and i always felt that was because i was doing well and always trying hard. But now, im doing something i suck at, everyones talking about it, and im constantly bitching about how much i hate the job, which leads me to believe that im slowly losing the respect of everyone i work with. If this is true, then by September i should hate this job as much every other job ive ever had, and eventually lose my ambition for life. THIS will in turn affect the way i perform in school, ill drop out of school, take up drugs and be homeless. This is what i imagine will happen if i dont find a way out of this new job position.
Of course, i could always try harder but then im scared instead of just burning and pricking my fingers, ill cut them off all together or end up cutting off somebody elses, which seems much more difficult but i wouldnt put it past me.