Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Value Pack! 3 features for the price of ONE!

There is a great many things I can write about when its 2:40 in the morning and the humidity level has essentially turned my room in to the inside of a kettle. Lets see, whats on the agenda…

The centipede I vacuumed up

A review of the new Laura Marling album

Me beating half life 2 in less than 24 hours

But FIRST! Ice cream, or ice….or liquid nitrogen for christ’s sake, something cool.
Cool, thanks for waiting.
Ok, where should we start. Well for starters my friend Ana has left me to fend for myself in this cruel and unforgiving world until August 11th, when she returns from Serbia. So, due to this inconvenience, I must do what I can to occupy myself in her stead until then. So far, activities have included things like: job hunting, going to best buy, skipping rocks at woodbine beach with Christina who I might add totally emasculated me by skipping a rock like...7 times compared to my measly 2, uhmmm that’s it so far but she only left this afternoon so im off to a pretty good start.


SO! I go to brush my teeth and what do I see in the bathroom in the corner? The BIGGEST FUCKIN CENTIPEDE YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE! Like, this thing was so big I thought it was a comb. Anyways, it was about 1:30 am and I was trapped in the bathroom, being held hostage by this centipede by the door. Now I know what some of you are thinking and NO! I wasn’t “MAN” enough to just “WAD UP SOME TOILET PAPER AND KILL IT” cause that involves putting my hands within jumping range. NO! I HAVENT ever seen one jump but fucked if im gunna take the chance. So, as I was saying, I was being held captive by this thing in the bathroom and I needed to move quick to survive. Then I thought “VACUUM” you know the kind, with the long extending head? So as it was setting up its camera for the ransom video I gunned it out of the room and ran to the vacuum cleaner. I quickly assembled the head and put as many attachments on it as possible. I never understood why our vacuum cleaner came with a scope until today. The mounted grenade launcher was a little much however, but then again I wasn’t sure how many hits it would take to take this thing out. Anyways, it occurred to me that it was 1:30 in the morning and that I could potentially wake everybody up, but I had a food reason…at least…I think I did..
(By the way, this part is open to debate in the comments section. Was it wrong of me to use the vacuum so late? Bear in mind I wouldn’t have been able to sleep knowing I let it get away. )
So I run in the bathroom and press myself against the far wall and with a rather loud whisper I said “YOU WANNA PLAY ROUGH? HOKAY! SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!” and vacuumed the SHIT outta that ma fucka.
Im a fuckin war hero alright. Whoever is lucky enough to marry me can rest assured that I’ll handle any bugs in the house from ANY distance over 5 feet. Anyways that’s the end of that story, on to the next one.


Im gunna be quick with this one cause it hurts to think about this game right now. Half Life 2 is this kick ass game that I used to play in the internet cafĂ©’s in Cyprus when I was down there a few years back. I fell in love with this game the first I played it and since then I have been struggling with finding another copy to play. I know what some of you are thinking, but that’s not what I mean. There was more than enough copies going around, but finding one that WORKED was the problem. For starters, theres the legit copy of the game. Well…kinda legit. It was off of someone else’s steam account but wouldn’t start. Then I downloaded a bunch of cracked versions but the original game is so hard to find. Anyways I finally found one that worked but it….was in spanish. And I swear I could hear god laughing when I started the game, but anyways. My trusty friend Max…or Marc or something bought it on steam and I tried again and it worked. This game features and in depth story line, great graphics, and overall is one of the best fps’ of all time. However, it is highly addictive so don’t play in one sitting if you can help it. Im slowly getting used to sunlight again but it will take time.


This review is also going to be rather short but that’s because im scared that if I let it go on too long ill get emotional and talk about how I want to find laura marling and ask her to go out with me. I Speak Because I Can is an awesome album and its easy to listen to. So far I like all of her stuff and I cant wait to see what else she is going to put out. HOWEVER, the new mos def album is ALSO sick and TOTALLY warrents a mention. Ive been listening to The Ecstatic non stop since I got it, so much actually that after I listened to the laura marling album I listened to the mos def one again. Look up this album. Its LIVE! LIKE SO GOOD! BAWD BEATS ALL OVA YA FACE! Im SO tired….and hot…my brain is overheating. His album features these cool Arabic samples and instruments and it just sounds so sick and unique. Oh, and it features Slick Rick, which is always a bonus. Cant suggest a song on its own cause theyre all good so just pick one, you’ll just end up listening to all of them anyways.

K, im out. I gotta go take my pillow out of the freezer and try to sleep.
Goodnight everyone.

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