Friday, August 6, 2010

Ask Alex Anything

The Wandering Metalhead writes,

Dear Alex,

Me and a friend were watching a movie recently and my foot brushed up against his during the movie. I, of course, was quick to call out “No Homo” in case he interpreted it as an invitation for casual anal relations, which got me wondering. If two guys have sex but constantly say “No Homo” throughout, is it still gay? I’d really like to know cause if it isn’t, I’m totally gunna ask him to do it.


Well France-, I mean, The Wandering Metalhead, the concept of “No Homo” isn’t as simple as just saying “No Homo” The truth is that there are many factors that play in to how effective the term can be at any given time. Things like clothing, alcohol consumption, even time of day are all crucial factors in the terms effectiveness.

There is even a “No Homo” Ph scale, shown below, that most people and even medical doctors aren’t aware of. This is used as a reference so that people can know the severity of their Homo behavior from day to day. Something with a Low Homo Ph would be accidentally touching your friends hand while walking next to them where as something with a High Homo Ph would be something like drugging your friend and taking advantage of his lifeless body. Eventually there is a point on the scale where no amount of “No Homo’s” can preserve ones sexuality. In the end, you will, in fact, be a Homo. When this happens an Anti Homo procedure will have to be undergone by the recently converted Homo who will, in time, return to their previous state of straightness. This, however, is a completely different subject all together.

As you can see from the equation below, "x" represents the amount of times "No Homo" has to be said for every minute of sustained Homo behavior, "Ph" represents the level on the Homo Ph Scale, "b" represents the blood alcohol level, and “c” represents the percent of skin exposed at the time of the incident.

So, as you can plainly see Wandering Metalhead, once you go past a certain point on the scale, the necessary amount of “No Homo’s” needed would be more than is physically possible by you or any other human being.

I hope this has been an informative answer to your question

Till next time


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